***
(When the curtain rises, the stage is filled with bril-
(liantly uniformed officer dolls, seated in rigid doll-
(like poses. The Nurse and Marianne enter from
(stage left. The Nurse carries a huge key which she
(uses for winding the dolls.
(To Marianne, who is dressed in a French peasantThe General first, Marianne.
(doll costume.
(Marianne assists Nurse in winding General, who
(rises and begins his early morning jaunt about
(the stage. Nurse, aided by Marianne, winds Major
(and Captain, then turns to the rotund Colonel.
(Nurse and Marianne wind Colonel.
(Rising.As I said to the General yesterday, blood will tell. Though reduced to a single button, I'd still be an aristocrat. Everything of the best quality - the best red felt, the best gold braid, the best sawdust, the best works, the best joints, the best hand-painted faces, the best -
(Colonel glares at Major, then paces rapidly up and
(down the room and, in passing, one of his jerking
(feet hits Major's leg.
(Hurries to him.What's the matter, Major?
(Examining his knee.Rust on the knee, I think, - spring and screw compounded with oxidation setting in. This needs the oil treatment. Johnny!
(Suddenly conscious of his office.Where is that boy?
(Enter Johnny, stage right.
(Johnny salutes and sends a smile to Marianne as
(he goes out, right. Marianne goes over and helps
(Captain button his coat.
(Looking at Major's knee.One of these army diseases we hear so much about.
(Enter Johnny with the oil can.
(To Johnny, as she holds Major's leg.A little on this screw first. Now on this.
(Officers indicate pleasure at the sound of the oil can.
(Rising with difficulty.I think I can manage.
(Marianne goes to help him.
(Holding her back.He doesn't need any help, Marianne.
(Notices Lieutenant.Don't forget to wind the Lieutenant, Nurse.
(Nurse goes to Lieutenant.
(Marianne and Johnny are holding hands. General
(clears his throat.
(Nurse and Johnny apply oil and wind Lieutenant.
(Johnny exits with the oil can. The clock strikes
(nine. Officers nod their heads in time with the
(strokes.
(Takes out his watch and compares the time.Nine oclock! Good heavens! Time for a battle.
(Pompously.If things are slow, they complain of it at home. The newspapers are wild for news. I get wires every day from the Sawdust Gazette telling me to put some action into this war, - anything to make good copy.
(Slows up in speech.
(Marianne brings the key and they wind Colonel.
(General stares at her. Colonel revives and starts
(moving again.
(He pulls out a little book.Section II, division a, under B. Battles- a battle to be fought at least once a day. The time of action left to the discretion of the - uh-uh - commanding officer.
(Marianne rings a bell.
(Enter Johnny. He salutes.
(Returning Johnny's salute.Johnny, as our only private, you'll have to march to the front alone.
(Johnny begins to show signs of weakening at the (joints.
(Takes the key and goes to Johnny.I'll wind him, Marianne. Come and help me.
(Nurse winds Johnny, with Marianne's help. Mean-All right, now you pack his bag, Marianne.
(while General studies his book, and other Officers
(wait impatiently.
(Gets the bag and begins to fill it.Here's a candle.
(Charmed by her coaxing smile.Oh, all right. Have it your own way, then. They're a nuisance, though.
(Marianne with difficulty pulls on the rubbers, while
(Nurse supports Johnny, and General coughs impa-
(tiently.
(Who has been watching the whole procedure withGentlemen, form your ranks.
(rising impatience.
(Officers move about and get into line, according
(to rank, back stage, facing the audience.
(They all nod. General takes his place to the right
(and a little ahead of the line of Officers, facing the
(audience. Marianne and Nurse stand a little [to] one
(side, to left. Johnny stands at east, stage center.
(Johnny takes his place downstage, opposite MajorAttention! Present, arms! Port, arms! Present, arms! Order, arms! Parade, rest! Attention! Right shoulder, arms! Left face! Forward, march! To the rear, march! Halt! Right, face! Forward, march! Halt!
(and facing audience.
(During this drill the flag has been passed down theWe regret that we have but one life to give to our country, - the flag!
(line of Officers, each one saluting in turn as he
(receives the flag. Colonel gives it to General, who
(presents it to Johnny.
(General and Johnny salute each other.About, face! Wave, flag!
(Johnny waves the flag, while the Officers and he
(sing their anthem, THE SAWDUST STUFFED BRIGADE.
Oh, the Generals and the MajorsForward, march! Halt! About, face!
Are the bravest of the brave,
And the Colonels and the Captains
No slightest fear can have.
So stalwart is our army,
So gallant on parade,
It's a tow-row-tow-row-row-row-
For the Sawdust Brigade!
(Johnny tries in vain to stack gun and flag together.Attention! I present to you the pulse of war, - the drum!
(Marianne comes to his aid and takes them away
(from him. Meanwhile the drum has been passed
(along the line of Officers to Colonel. Colonel pres-
(ents it to Johnny.
(Johnny beats the drum, while Officers keep timeBackward, march! Halt!
(with their feet.
(Johnny stands at attention, awaiting commands.
(Major is apparently asleep on his feet. Captain
(gives him a vigorous nudge. He starts.
(A toy cannon is passed from Marianne along theOur country, right or wrong, - the cannon! About, face! Ready! Aim! Load! Fire!
(line of Officers to Major. Major presents it to
(Johnny.
(Officers and Women stand on tiptoe and put their
(fingers in their ears. Johnny pulls the trigger and
(the cannon goes off suddenly. Colonel sways weakly
(forward. Johnny falls backward.
(Nurse hurries to steady Colonel. Marianne rushes
(to pick up Johnny.
(Marianne and Nurse return to former positions.
(Marianne takes the cannon with her.
(Captain nudges Major again; Major yawns; Captain
(gives Major an angry look, but takes up the com-
(mands which Major does not give.
(Looks angrily at Major again, who does not noticeSquads right, march! Squads left, march! Halt!
(him.
(A hobby horse is passed along the line of OfficersMan's noblest friend, - the horse! Regiment, mount! Forward, ride!
(to Captain. Captain presents it to Johnny.
(Johnny mounts and rides around in a wide circle.Halt! Dismount!
(He stops to salute General, who is watching him
(through his field glasses, waves to Marianne as he
(goes by, and returns to his position before Captain.
(Marianne takes the hobby horse.Backward, march! Halt!
(Marianne hands him barbed wire.They shall not pass! Barbed wire!
(Presents a roll of barbed wire. In passing it toI can't stand the sight of sawdust.
(Johnny, the wire catches on his uniform and some
(sawdust spills out. He totters and falls into the
(arms of Nurse and Marianne.
(Weakly.
(Nurse binds up the tear. Marianne and Johnny
(have been gazing at each other lovingly. General
(clears his throat warningly once or twice.
(Johnny jumps back into place, before Lieutenant.Left face! Forward, march! Halt!
(General has been feeling about in his pockets
(anxiously and has with obvious relief found his
(little book. He thumbs the pages until he finds
(the right place. General then stalks forward two
(paces and does a left face.
(Johnny now faces General and right stage.Let's see. Here's a short one. "To be read to the assembled army when there is very slight chance of their returning." This will do.
(Muttering to himself.
(To Johnny, oratorically.Soldiers, you are about to enter battle, - perhaps for the last time.
(Marianne sobs loudly.Think of your wives, think of your children, think, - no, on second consideration, don't think. You'll probably fight much better if you don't. Don't think of anything. Just fight. Return victorious or not at all. If you fall on the field of honor, take this comfort.
(Marianne sobs, and General looks at her disap- (provingly.The government will erect a handsome momument of the best grade Vermont marble
(Marianne sobs again.or New Hampshire granite. As the poet has so eloquently put it, "Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori!"
(Marianne sobs again. Johnny salutes.About, face! Forward, march!
(General and other Officers start to sing THE SAW-
(DUST STUFFED BRIGADE, as they mark time to the
(tune. Marianne runs up to Johnny, who clasps her
(to him in an exaggerated, angular embrace.
(Above the noise of the song.Don't go, Johnny, don't!
(Johnny feels around hurriedly in his pockets, -Here's something to remember me by.
(and at last produce a dazzling ring.
(He puts the ring on her finger and then bends
(at an angle and kisses her hand. Johnny points
(to his gun, flag, and other equipment which Mari-
(anne then brings to him. Johnny mounts his
(hobby horse.
(He tries to wave goodbye as he rides away, beneath
(the load of his equipment.
(Waving her handkerchief.Goodbye, Johnny
(Marianne turns to Nurse and puts her head onHe's gone!
(Nurse's shoulder, sobbing.
(Officers stop singing their song and marking time.
(Exhausted.Whiskey, Marianne, This war's driving me mad!
(Officers leave the line with evident relief.
(Sinking into a chair.Benedictine.
(Scowling.Aw.
(He follows Marianne stage right and catches herIt's funny, but I don't think that girl likes me.
(hand. She slaps him and goes out.
(General goes upstage center in disgust.
(Turning.Five of us can't play.
(He goes over to her and holds the skein of the yarn
(which Nurse is winding into a ball.
(The table, chairs, etc., are set up by Nurse and
(Officers. The war blocks are set on the floor,
(down stage center. Colonel, Captain, and Lieu-
(tenant sit down at the table. General comes to
(take his place and is outraged to find them sitting
(down.
(Officers rise sheepishly and salute.
(Sits.Be seated.
(Officers take their place again at the table. GeneralHello, hello, Front line? "No, the enemy's not been sighted yet."
(reaches for the telephone on the table, pulls out
(his pocket military dictionary and rings the bell.
(To Lieutenant.Got that?
(He has taken out pencil and pad. Repeating the"Front line. No, the enemy's not been sighted yet."
(message and writing it down.
(Hangs up receiver.
(Colonel deals the cards. Marianne enters with a
(bottle and glasses.
(Putting down a glass in front of General and pour-Whiskey.
(ing a drink.
(Pouring a drink out of the same bottle in front ofHot toddy.
(Captain.
(Pouring out a very small portion for Lieutenant.Cognac.
(Pouting.You'd think I was a baby!
(Putting down a glass in front of Colonel.Benedictine.
(Slipping an arm around her waist.My, you've got jolly little joints. How about a kiss, Marianne?
(Slapping him.Oh, sir!
(Raising his glass in a toast.Marianne!
(Other Officers follow suit. Marianne goes to Major
(and pours out his drink.
(Raising his glass.Marianne! Nurse!
(They all drink. General sputters over his whiskey.
(Looking at his watch.I guess it's about time to send out a few more military orders.
(Aside.Pull out the Vest Pocket Standby.
(Picks up the telephone and gets out his book.Hello! Hello!
(Rings the bell violently.What's the matter with this phone?
(Ringing the bell.Hello! Hello! Now how can anybody win a war when the telephone won't work?
(General puts down the telephone.
(Crosses to the table and reaches for the telephone.Johnny! Johnny!
(Crying.Johnny! He'll be killed! Johnny! Johnny!
(Writing the score.Eighty kings, forty pinochle -
(Nurse picks up her cape and starts to go.
(Starts after her.I'll go with you.
(His attention drawn from game.Stop! Major, come back here.
(To Major.He's your commanding officer, not mine. Johnny comes back safe or I'll never wind you again.
(Exit Nurse.
(Rises uncertainly to his feet. His voice is becomingI'm the commanding officer here. How does she dare?
(thick.
(The drink is affecting him.She can't mean it. . . . She'll be back in a minute.
(General and other Officers now fall about in vari-
(ous postures of drunkenness. General falls upon
(the floor near his blocks, one leg in the air. Major
(has subsided wearily against the wall; Colonel is
(slumped across the card table, murmuring "pretty
(little Kewpie doll". Captain and Lieutenant have
(also fallen around the table, Captain on the floor
(and Lieutenant across the back of his chair.
(Snores and snatches of THE SAWDUST STUFFED
(BRIGADE, sung off-key, are heard.
The cannon and cannon balls are still seen, but the three worlds have disappeared, and in their place is a sky of sullen red. In the center of the stage is a stylized black box. Its square base and tilted outline suggest the body and mouth of a trench mortar. A stylized telephone is scarcely visible beside the box. The light is dim.
(Johnny enters, right, riding wearily on his horse,
(and trying to hum THE SAWDUST STUFFED BRIGADE.
(The song is also being hummed in the minor by
(an unseen chorus. Johnny reins his horse, dis-
(mounts, and deposits his flag, saluting it.
(He puts down his gun. The telephone rings. HeFront line, sir. No, the enemy's not been sighted yet. Very good, sir.
(crosses to it, salutes, and picks it up.
(He hangs up the receiver, saluting again.How still it is! Just a moment ago it seemed quite noisy. It's because I stopped singing, I suppose.
(He starts to beat his drum and sing the song, gain-No, it's different . . . so quiet, and dark, too. I'd better strike a light! Lucky Marianne put that candle in here. I never thought I'd need it. Dear Marianne.
(ing courage as he sings and marches around, kick-
(ing his legs high. Then he stops and beats the
(drum again. An echo answers the beat. He does
(it again, with the same result. He puts the drum
(down.
(He lights the candle and, holding it high, walksFunny, but I don't feel any walls.
(about, exploring. He gropes around cautiously,
(along back stage.
(He holds the candle higher.There aren't any walls. Just nothing.
(He sets down the candle, stage right.And where can the enemy be?
(He picks up his gun and makes a few bayonetThere isn't any. But there's got to be. "Return victorious or not at all." There's got to be an enemy!
(lunges, right and left.
(He makes a last lunge, and almost falls over theHere's something! I wonder what it is!
(large box which stands in the center of the stage.
(He passes his hand over the top.Feels smooth.
(There's a sound as of a burglar's rattle, and hisWhat's that? What blew my light out?
(candle is suddenly blown out.
(He comes down stage, facing the box.They told me to hit everything I saw and not to mind the spilt sawdust. Spilt sawdust . . . that sounds ugly.
(The sound of the rattle is heard again, and sud-I must hit it, I must!
(denly the lid of the box is thrown back and an
(enormous Jack-in-the-box leaps out, its head the
(grotesque, scarred face of a veteran toy soldier.
(Johnny starts to run away, but recovers.
(He stabs with his bayonet, but Jack-in-the-boxGet back and stay back, I tell you!
(only springs back from every blow.
(The telephone rings.There goes the 'phone! What'll I do?
(He tries to reach the 'phone, but cannot, becauseWait a minute! Wait a minute!
(of Jack-in-the-box.
(He renews battle with Jack-in-the-box, which al-It's no use. It always jumps back.
(ways recovers elastically.
(The telephone rings again.Oh, be quiet! Can't you see I'm busy? Damn that telephone!
(He catches sight of myriad specks of light passingWhat's that - streaming down? It's sawdust - spilt sawdust! I can smell it!
(down the wall.
(He sniffs and shrinks back.It's spilling and spilling. It keeps on and on.
(Jack-in-the-box is menacing. Johnny loses hisIt's coming after me! Stop! Stop! Don't let it get me!
(nerve completely.
(He falls to his knees.Don't let it touch me! Let me out! Let me out!
(Nurse enters, searching for him. She shakes him.
(Cowering.Yes, there is! He's coming after me!
(Nurse pushes Jack-in-the-box down energeticallyThere! That will settle his springs!
(and claps down the lid over him.
(Helping him to rise.Come along. You'll be all right.
(She puts her arm around him, as she leads him out.
(The officers are still collapsed as they were at the
(close of the first scene. Their snores are mingled
(with snatches of their song. Marianne stands in
(the center, arms akimbo, viewing them with dis-
(gust.
(Muttering.Marianne - nice little girl - pretty eyes, but her joints squeak.
(She jerks Colonel up by the collar.
(Enter Nurse and Johnny. Johnny rushes over to
(Marianne, and they embrace each other in the same
(exaggerated, gymnastic fashion as at Johnny's departure.
(Marianne does not hear her.Marianne, what is the matter here?
(Wearily.Get the key, Marianne.
(Marianne takes the key over to Nurse, who holdsMarianne, is it worth it?
(the key and looks at Officers.
(Looking them over critically.Some of them aren't so bad.
(Nurse goes over to Major and winds him.
(Nurse and Marianne wind General. Johnny helpsNow for the Captain.
(Marianne to lift him to his feet.
(They wind Captain.
(They wind Lieutenant.Johnny, come help with the Colonel.
(Who has been strutting about.His mainspring must be broken!
(Muttering as he is wound.And she said, "Colonel, you're my idea of a perfect gentleman." Pretty little girl, - but her joints squeaked.
(Shaking his head sadly.Too many Kewpie dolls!
(Sees Johnny.Johnny!
(Rousing himself.I guess we'd better have a court martial.
(Johnny steps forward and salutes, sadly.
(Marianne screams.
(General kicks an army block for emphasis.What have you got to say for yourself, Johnny?
(Taking out the Vest Pocket Standby.Let's see. Desertion, page 62.
(Lieutenant and Captain look over his shoulder.Private, you are convicted of desertion, and will be shot accordingly.
(He turns and glares at their impudence, then
(turns back to Johnny.
(Marianne sobs.Right about, face! To the guard room, march!
(General indicates by a gesture that Captain and
(Lieutenant are to act as escort to Johnny.
(Running after Johnny.Johnny! Johnny!
(Johnny marches out, accompanied by the sobbing
(Marianne and followed by Captain and Lieutenant.
(A heavy door slams; Marianne sobs more loudly.
(Captain and Lieutenant return, followed by
(Marianne, who comes slowly, weeping.
(He replaces the book in his pocket with a pat.
(Captain, Lieutenant, and Colonel wait for General
(to be seated, then sit down at the table.
(Shaking his finger at her.Tut! Tut! Discipline must be maintained.
(Writing the score.Sixty Queens.
(To General.If you shoot Johnny, I'll never wind you again.
(Writing the score.For-ty pin-ochle.
(His hand drops and the pencil falls to the floor.
(Falling slowly at her feet.Wind me, Nurse?
(Raises his arms to her, imploringly.If you don't wind me - I'll - run - down. . . .
(They all reach feebly toward Nurse.
(Who, throughout these speeches, has taken theI'm tired of winding dolls for war.
(key once from Marianne and given it back to her
(again, then taken it again herself, now definitely
(hands it back to Marianne.
(She stands silent, making no motion towards
(them. The red and green bubbles have faded out
(on the dome, leaving only the blue bubble of peace.