The Vest Pocket Standby

By Eleanore Price

The Vest Pocket Standby
Persons in the Play

Nurse
Marianne
Johnny
General
Colonel
Major
Captain
Lieutenant
Jack-in-the-Box

Time: The Past?
Place: A Battle Front for Dolls.

***

Scene One

The scene is laid well behind the lines on a battle front for dolls. At center back is a mound of stylized cannon balls. On either side two huge black cannon point their square mouhts toward the dome, where three bubbles of the worlds of war, peace, and earth as it is. These vary in intensity throughout, till the red and green fade away at the close of the play, leaving the blue world of peace. The light is dim, but gradually increases as the dolls become more lively.

(When the curtain rises, the stage is filled with bril-
(liantly uniformed officer dolls, seated in rigid doll-
(like poses. The Nurse and Marianne enter from
(stage left. The Nurse carries a huge key which she
(uses for winding the dolls.

Nurse

(To Marianne, who is dressed in a French peasant
(doll costume.
The General first, Marianne.
(Marianne assists Nurse in winding General, who
(rises and begins his early morning jaunt about
(the stage. Nurse, aided by Marianne, winds Major
(and Captain, then turns to the rotund Colonel.

Nurse

Now for the Colonel, poor foolish old doll!
(Nurse and Marianne wind Colonel.

Colonel

(Rising.
As I said to the General yesterday, blood will tell. Though reduced to a single button, I'd still be an aristocrat. Everything of the best quality - the best red felt, the best gold braid, the best sawdust, the best works, the best joints, the best hand-painted faces, the best -

Major

Well, you are wound up this morning.

Nurse

I'm sorry, it's my fault. I gave him an extra twist. If you don't wind him up tightly he won't last long. He runs down so easily, you know.

Major

Thank the toymaker for that.
(Colonel glares at Major, then paces rapidly up and
(down the room and, in passing, one of his jerking
(feet hits Major's leg.

Major

(Falls back in the chair, clutching his knee.
Ouch! My leg! And my sore knee, too, - Nurse!

Nurse

(Hurries to him.
What's the matter, Major?

Major

The Colonel hit my sore knee. Please look at it. It hurts awfully.

Nurse

(Examining his knee.
Rust on the knee, I think, - spring and screw compounded with oxidation setting in. This needs the oil treatment. Johnny!

General

(Suddenly conscious of his office.
Where is that boy?

General

Still asleep, I suppose, the lazy idiot.
(Enter Johnny, stage right.

Marianne

Here he is, Nurse.

Nurse

Johnny, please get the oil can. Marianne, you can dress the Captain now.
(Johnny salutes and sends a smile to Marianne as
(he goes out, right. Marianne goes over and helps
(Captain button his coat.

General

(Looking at Major's knee.
One of these army diseases we hear so much about.

Colonel

I thought such things occurred only in the lower walks of military life. Surprising that an officer should have picked it up. Rust on the knee has such an ugly, plebian sound.
(Enter Johnny with the oil can.

Johnny

Here you are, Nurse.

Nurse

(To Johnny, as she holds Major's leg.
A little on this screw first. Now on this.
(Officers indicate pleasure at the sound of the oil can.

Major

Ah, that's better!

Nurse

See if you can walk.

Major

(Rising with difficulty.
I think I can manage.
(Marianne goes to help him.

Johnny

(Holding her back.
He doesn't need any help, Marianne.

General

(Notices Lieutenant.
Don't forget to wind the Lieutenant, Nurse.
(Nurse goes to Lieutenant.

Marianne

His screws a bit rusty, Nurse.
(Marianne and Johnny are holding hands. General
(clears his throat.

Johnny

Needs a drop of oil, I guess.

Nurse

All right, Johnny. Bring the oil can.
(Nurse and Johnny apply oil and wind Lieutenant.
(Johnny exits with the oil can. The clock strikes
(nine. Officers nod their heads in time with the
(strokes.

General

(Takes out his watch and compares the time.
Nine oclock! Good heavens! Time for a battle.

Major

Battle? Again?

Captain

We had one only yesterday.

Colonel

Well, after all, this is a war.

General

(Pompously.
If things are slow, they complain of it at home. The newspapers are wild for news. I get wires every day from the Sawdust Gazette telling me to put some action into this war, - anything to make good copy.

Major

A battle a day keeps the editor at bay!

Captain

It's such a nuisance.

Colonel

I never want to shirk my duty, - never - never -
(Slows up in speech.

General

There he goes!

Nurse

Running down again. I thought so. Bring me the key, Marianne.
(Marianne brings the key and they wind Colonel.

General

Poor fellow! His mainspring's weak.

Nurse

There's a screw loose somewhere. More places than one.
(General stares at her. Colonel revives and starts
(moving again.

General

To return to the battle, gentlemen -

Major

Must we? Why have a battle every day?

General

Why! Why because it's done, my dear boy, it's just done! The Vest Pocket Standby says so.
(He pulls out a little book.
Section II, division a, under B. Battles- a battle to be fought at least once a day. The time of action left to the discretion of the - uh-uh - commanding officer.

Lieutenant

Well, if we've got to have a battle, we might as well get it over with.

General

Marianne,-

Marianne

Yes, sir.
(Marianne rings a bell.

General

Ring for the army.

Marianne

Yes, sir.

Captain

Another beastly review.
(Enter Johnny. He salutes.

General

(Returning Johnny's salute.
Johnny, as our only private, you'll have to march to the front alone.

Johnny

Yes, sir.

General

I wish I could send someone with you, but we don't dare risk our officers in the field.
(Johnny begins to show signs of weakening at the (joints.

Marianne

Do wind him, Nurse, or he'll never last through it.

Nurse

(Takes the key and goes to Johnny.
I'll wind him, Marianne. Come and help me.
(Nurse winds Johnny, with Marianne's help. Mean-
(while General studies his book, and other Officers
(wait impatiently.
All right, now you pack his bag, Marianne.

Marianne

(Gets the bag and begins to fill it.
Here's a candle.

Johnny

I won't need that candle, Marianne.

Marianne

You might, you never can tell, - and chocolate cigarettes.

Colonel

I don't believe in pampering these fellows.

Marianne

And rubbers.

Johnny

See here, Marianne. I won't wear rubbers. I won't need them.

Marianne

Oh, please, Johnny, for my sake. It might be muddy, you know.

Johnny

(Charmed by her coaxing smile.
Oh, all right. Have it your own way, then. They're a nuisance, though.
(Marianne with difficulty pulls on the rubbers, while
(Nurse supports Johnny, and General coughs impa-
(tiently.

General

(Who has been watching the whole procedure with
(rising impatience.
Gentlemen, form your ranks.
(Officers move about and get into line, according
(to rank, back stage, facing the audience.

Major

Army life is such a strain. Just one formality after another. Wake up, wind up, dress up. Wake up, wind up, dress up - day after day . . .

General

Do be quiet, gentlemen. This is a very impressive occasion. Is everybody ready?
(They all nod. General takes his place to the right
(and a little ahead of the line of Officers, facing the
(audience. Marianne and Nurse stand a little [to] one
(side, to left. Johnny stands at east, stage center.

General

Army, fall in!
(Johnny takes his place downstage, opposite Major
(and facing audience.
Attention! Present, arms! Port, arms! Present, arms! Order, arms! Parade, rest! Attention! Right shoulder, arms! Left face! Forward, march! To the rear, march! Halt! Right, face! Forward, march! Halt!
(During this drill the flag has been passed down the
(line of Officers, each one saluting in turn as he
(receives the flag. Colonel gives it to General, who
(presents it to Johnny.
We regret that we have but one life to give to our country, - the flag!
(General and Johnny salute each other.
About, face! Wave, flag!
(Johnny waves the flag, while the Officers and he
(sing their anthem, THE SAWDUST STUFFED BRIGADE.
Oh, the Generals and the Majors
Are the bravest of the brave,
And the Colonels and the Captains
No slightest fear can have.
So stalwart is our army,
So gallant on parade,
It's a tow-row-tow-row-row-row-
For the Sawdust Brigade!
Forward, march! Halt! About, face!

Colonel

Right, face! Forward, march! Column left, march! Halt! About, face! Left, face! About, face! Forward, march! Halt! About, face! Stack, arms!
(Johnny tries in vain to stack gun and flag together.
(Marianne comes to his aid and takes them away
(from him. Meanwhile the drum has been passed
(along the line of Officers to Colonel. Colonel pres-
(ents it to Johnny.
Attention! I present to you the pulse of war, - the drum!
(Johnny beats the drum, while Officers keep time
(with their feet.
Backward, march! Halt!
(Johnny stands at attention, awaiting commands.
(Major is apparently asleep on his feet. Captain
(gives him a vigorous nudge. He starts.

Major

To the right, sideways, march! Halt! Forward, march! Halt!
(A toy cannon is passed from Marianne along the
(line of Officers to Major. Major presents it to
(Johnny.
Our country, right or wrong, - the cannon! About, face! Ready! Aim! Load! Fire!
(Officers and Women stand on tiptoe and put their
(fingers in their ears. Johnny pulls the trigger and
(the cannon goes off suddenly. Colonel sways weakly
(forward. Johnny falls backward.

Nurse

Oh, there goes the Colonel again!

Marianne

Oh, Johnny!
(Nurse hurries to steady Colonel. Marianne rushes
(to pick up Johnny.

Colonel

That noise just gets into my joints!
(Marianne and Nurse return to former positions.
(Marianne takes the cannon with her.

General

Attention!
(Captain nudges Major again; Major yawns; Captain
(gives Major an angry look, but takes up the com-
(mands which Major does not give.

Captain

Forward, march! Halt! About, face!
(Looks angrily at Major again, who does not notice
(him.
Squads right, march! Squads left, march! Halt!
(A hobby horse is passed along the line of Officers
(to Captain. Captain presents it to Johnny.
Man's noblest friend, - the horse! Regiment, mount! Forward, ride!
(Johnny mounts and rides around in a wide circle.
(He stops to salute General, who is watching him
(through his field glasses, waves to Marianne as he
(goes by, and returns to his position before Captain.
Halt! Dismount!
(Marianne takes the hobby horse.
Backward, march! Halt!

Lieutenant

Right, face! Forward, march! Column left, march! Halt!
(Marianne hands him barbed wire.
They shall not pass! Barbed wire!
(Presents a roll of barbed wire. In passing it to
(Johnny, the wire catches on his uniform and some
(sawdust spills out. He totters and falls into the
(arms of Nurse and Marianne.
(Weakly.
I can't stand the sight of sawdust.

Colonel

What a pity! His new uniform, too! Nurse!
(Nurse binds up the tear. Marianne and Johnny
(have been gazing at each other lovingly. General
(clears his throat warningly once or twice.

General

Attention!
(Johnny jumps back into place, before Lieutenant.
(General has been feeling about in his pockets
(anxiously and has with obvious relief found his
(little book. He thumbs the pages until he finds
(the right place. General then stalks forward two
(paces and does a left face.
Left face! Forward, march! Halt!
(Johnny now faces General and right stage.
(Muttering to himself.
Let's see. Here's a short one. "To be read to the assembled army when there is very slight chance of their returning." This will do.
(To Johnny, oratorically.
Soldiers, you are about to enter battle, - perhaps for the last time.
(Marianne sobs loudly.
Think of your wives, think of your children, think, - no, on second consideration, don't think. You'll probably fight much better if you don't. Don't think of anything. Just fight. Return victorious or not at all. If you fall on the field of honor, take this comfort.
(Marianne sobs, and General looks at her disap- (provingly.
The government will erect a handsome momument of the best grade Vermont marble
(Marianne sobs again.
or New Hampshire granite. As the poet has so eloquently put it, "Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori!"
(Marianne sobs again. Johnny salutes.
About, face! Forward, march!
(General and other Officers start to sing THE SAW-
(DUST STUFFED BRIGADE, as they mark time to the
(tune. Marianne runs up to Johnny, who clasps her
(to him in an exaggerated, angular embrace.

Marianne

(Above the noise of the song.
Don't go, Johnny, don't!

Johnny

I've got to, Marianne. I won't be long.
(Johnny feels around hurriedly in his pockets, -
(and at last produce a dazzling ring.
Here's something to remember me by.
(He puts the ring on her finger and then bends
(at an angle and kisses her hand. Johnny points
(to his gun, flag, and other equipment which Mari-
(anne then brings to him. Johnny mounts his
(hobby horse.

Johnny

Goodbye, Marianne.
(He tries to wave goodbye as he rides away, beneath
(the load of his equipment.

Marianne

(Waving her handkerchief.
Goodbye, Johnny
(Marianne turns to Nurse and puts her head on
(Nurse's shoulder, sobbing.
He's gone!
(Officers stop singing their song and marking time.

Nurse

Never mind, Marianne. He'll come back. And think of being loved by a whole army!

General

Gentlemen, dismissed!
(Exhausted.
Whiskey, Marianne, This war's driving me mad!
(Officers leave the line with evident relief.

Marianne

Yes, sir.

Captain

Hot toddy for me.

Marianne

Yes, sir.

Colonel

(Sinking into a chair.
Benedictine.

Marianne

Yes, sir.

Major

Champagne, please.

Marianne

Yes, sir. And you, Lieutenant?

Lieutenant

Cognac.

Nurse

Just a thimbleful, Marianne. He can't stand much.

Lieutenant

(Scowling.
Aw.
(He follows Marianne stage right and catches her
(hand. She slaps him and goes out.
It's funny, but I don't think that girl likes me.

Colonel

Too bad, my boy. Now the women find me simply irresistible. I'll never forget how that Kewpie doll from Atlantic City chased me. I simply couldn't get away from her.
(General goes upstage center in disgust.

Captain

What about a little pinochle?

General

(Turning.
Five of us can't play.

Major

I don't want to. Let me hold your yarn, Nurse.

Nurse

Nice boy. Thank you, Major.
(He goes over to her and holds the skein of the yarn
(which Nurse is winding into a ball.

General

Captain, the table. Chairs, Lieutenant. Nurse, the telephone, and some pinochle cards. And don't forget my war blocks.

Nurse

Of course, General.
(The table, chairs, etc., are set up by Nurse and
(Officers. The war blocks are set on the floor,
(down stage center. Colonel, Captain, and Lieu-
(tenant sit down at the table. General comes to
(take his place and is outraged to find them sitting
(down.

General

Gentlemen!
(Officers rise sheepishly and salute.

General

(Sits.
Be seated.
(Officers take their place again at the table. General
(reaches for the telephone on the table, pulls out
(his pocket military dictionary and rings the bell.
Hello, hello, Front line? "No, the enemy's not been sighted yet."
(To Lieutenant.
Got that?

Lieutenant

(He has taken out pencil and pad. Repeating the
(message and writing it down.
"Front line. No, the enemy's not been sighted yet."

General

Very good.
(Hangs up receiver.

Captain

Your deal, Colonel.
(Colonel deals the cards. Marianne enters with a
(bottle and glasses.

Marianne

(Putting down a glass in front of General and pour-
(ing a drink.
Whiskey.

General

Ah! Never tasted better.

Marianne

(Pouring a drink out of the same bottle in front of
(Captain.
Hot toddy.

Captain

Nothing like a good hot toddy, - except Marianne.

Marianne

(Pouring out a very small portion for Lieutenant.
Cognac.

Lieutenant

(Pouting.
You'd think I was a baby!

Colonel

Well, aren't you?

Marianne

(Putting down a glass in front of Colonel.
Benedictine.

Colonel

(Slipping an arm around her waist.
My, you've got jolly little joints. How about a kiss, Marianne?

Marianne

(Slapping him.
Oh, sir!

Colonel

(Raising his glass in a toast.
Marianne!
(Other Officers follow suit. Marianne goes to Major
(and pours out his drink.

Marianne

Champagne.

Major

(Raising his glass.
Marianne! Nurse!
(They all drink. General sputters over his whiskey.

General

(Looking at his watch.
I guess it's about time to send out a few more military orders.

Major

(Aside.
Pull out the Vest Pocket Standby.

General

(Picks up the telephone and gets out his book.
Hello! Hello!
(Rings the bell violently.
What's the matter with this phone?

Lieutenant

Maybe the wires to the trenches are cut.

General

(Ringing the bell.
Hello! Hello! Now how can anybody win a war when the telephone won't work?

Captain

Let it go for a few minutes. It's your play. I led a Jack.
(General puts down the telephone.

Marianne

Maybe Johnny's hurt!

Major

Oh, he'll be all right.

Nurse

You don't know what's happened to him.
(Crosses to the table and reaches for the telephone.
Johnny! Johnny!

Marianne

Oh, Johnny, Johnny!

General

Don't bother about it.

Marianne

(Crying.
Johnny! He'll be killed! Johnny! Johnny!

Nurse

General, do something about it.

General

(Writing the score.
Eighty kings, forty pinochle -

Marianne

Please save him, Nurse, please.

Nurse

Be quiet, Marianne. I'm going after Johnny myself.

Major

Don't be silly.
(Nurse picks up her cape and starts to go.

General

Nonsense.

Major

Wait a minute.
(Starts after her.
I'll go with you.

General

(His attention drawn from game.
Stop! Major, come back here.

Major

But she can't go alone.

General

Neither of you can go.

Nurse

I will go!
(To Major.
He's your commanding officer, not mine. Johnny comes back safe or I'll never wind you again.
(Exit Nurse.

General

(Rises uncertainly to his feet. His voice is becoming
(thick.
I'm the commanding officer here. How does she dare?

Major

(The drink is affecting him.
She can't mean it. . . . She'll be back in a minute.

General

S'right . . . she can't mean it . . . she'll be back . . . sh' can't mean it . . .
(General and other Officers now fall about in vari-
(ous postures of drunkenness. General falls upon
(the floor near his blocks, one leg in the air. Major
(has subsided wearily against the wall; Colonel is
(slumped across the card table, murmuring "pretty
(little Kewpie doll". Captain and Lieutenant have
(also fallen around the table, Captain on the floor
(and Lieutenant across the back of his chair.
(Snores and snatches of THE SAWDUST STUFFED
(BRIGADE, sung off-key, are heard.

Curtain

Scene Two

Johnny's Nightmare

The cannon and cannon balls are still seen, but the three worlds have disappeared, and in their place is a sky of sullen red. In the center of the stage is a stylized black box. Its square base and tilted outline suggest the body and mouth of a trench mortar. A stylized telephone is scarcely visible beside the box. The light is dim.

(Johnny enters, right, riding wearily on his horse,
(and trying to hum THE SAWDUST STUFFED BRIGADE.
(The song is also being hummed in the minor by
(an unseen chorus. Johnny reins his horse, dis-
(mounts, and deposits his flag, saluting it.

Johnny

War's not so bad, after all - but it is a bit heavy!
(He puts down his gun. The telephone rings. He
(crosses to it, salutes, and picks it up.
Front line, sir. No, the enemy's not been sighted yet. Very good, sir.
(He hangs up the receiver, saluting again.
How still it is! Just a moment ago it seemed quite noisy. It's because I stopped singing, I suppose.
(He starts to beat his drum and sing the song, gain-
(ing courage as he sings and marches around, kick-
(ing his legs high. Then he stops and beats the
(drum again. An echo answers the beat. He does
(it again, with the same result. He puts the drum
(down.
No, it's different . . . so quiet, and dark, too. I'd better strike a light! Lucky Marianne put that candle in here. I never thought I'd need it. Dear Marianne.
(He lights the candle and, holding it high, walks
(about, exploring. He gropes around cautiously,
(along back stage.
Funny, but I don't feel any walls.
(He holds the candle higher.
There aren't any walls. Just nothing.
(He sets down the candle, stage right.
And where can the enemy be?
(He picks up his gun and makes a few bayonet
(lunges, right and left.
There isn't any. But there's got to be. "Return victorious or not at all." There's got to be an enemy!
(He makes a last lunge, and almost falls over the
(large box which stands in the center of the stage.
Here's something! I wonder what it is!
(He passes his hand over the top.
Feels smooth.
(There's a sound as of a burglar's rattle, and his
(candle is suddenly blown out.
What's that? What blew my light out?
(He comes down stage, facing the box.
They told me to hit everything I saw and not to mind the spilt sawdust. Spilt sawdust . . . that sounds ugly.
(The sound of the rattle is heard again, and sud-
(denly the lid of the box is thrown back and an
(enormous Jack-in-the-box leaps out, its head the
(grotesque, scarred face of a veteran toy soldier.
(Johnny starts to run away, but recovers.
I must hit it, I must!
(He stabs with his bayonet, but Jack-in-the-box
(only springs back from every blow.
Get back and stay back, I tell you!
(The telephone rings.
There goes the 'phone! What'll I do?
(He tries to reach the 'phone, but cannot, because
(of Jack-in-the-box.
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
(He renews battle with Jack-in-the-box, which al-
(ways recovers elastically.
It's no use. It always jumps back.
(The telephone rings again.
Oh, be quiet! Can't you see I'm busy? Damn that telephone!
(He catches sight of myriad specks of light passing
(down the wall.
What's that - streaming down? It's sawdust - spilt sawdust! I can smell it!
(He sniffs and shrinks back.
It's spilling and spilling. It keeps on and on.
(Jack-in-the-box is menacing. Johnny loses his
(nerve completely.
It's coming after me! Stop! Stop! Don't let it get me!
(He falls to his knees.
Don't let it touch me! Let me out! Let me out!
(Nurse enters, searching for him. She shakes him.

Nurse

Johnny! Johnny! Wake up, Johnny, wake up!

Johnny

Nursie! Help, the enemy! Don't let him get me! Don't let him touch me!

Nurse

Be quiet, Johnny. There isn't any enemy.

Johnny

(Cowering.
Yes, there is! He's coming after me!

Nurse

No, he's not. You're just imagining. That's only a Jack-in-the-box.
(Nurse pushes Jack-in-the-box down energetically
(and claps down the lid over him.
There! That will settle his springs!

Johnny

Oh, Nurse, please take me home!

Nurse

(Helping him to rise.
Come along. You'll be all right.
(She puts her arm around him, as she leads him out.

Curtain

Scene III

The stage is set as it was for Scene I.
(The officers are still collapsed as they were at the
(close of the first scene. Their snores are mingled
(with snatches of their song. Marianne stands in
(the center, arms akimbo, viewing them with dis-
(gust.

Marianne

Well, I suppose it's about time to shake them up.

Colonel

(Muttering.
Marianne - nice little girl - pretty eyes, but her joints squeak.

Marianne

Oh, they do, do they? I like that. I've as good joints as yours any day.
(She jerks Colonel up by the collar.

Colonel

Oh! Uh!

Lieutenant

Whazzat?

Major

A battle a day . . .
(Enter Nurse and Johnny. Johnny rushes over to
(Marianne, and they embrace each other in the same
(exaggerated, gymnastic fashion as at Johnny's departure.

Johnny

Marianne!

Marianne

Johnny!

Johnny

Oh, Marianne!

Marianne

Oh, Johnny!

Nurse

What's the matter here?
(Marianne does not hear her.
Marianne, what is the matter here?

Marianne

Nothing, miss. They're just running down.

Nurse

(Wearily.
Get the key, Marianne.
(Marianne takes the key over to Nurse, who holds
(the key and looks at Officers.
Marianne, is it worth it?

Marianne

(Looking them over critically.
Some of them aren't so bad.

Johnny

The Major here needs only half a twist.
(Nurse goes over to Major and winds him.

Major

Thanks, that's better.

Nurse

The General next.
(Nurse and Marianne wind General. Johnny helps
(Marianne to lift him to his feet.
Now for the Captain.
(They wind Captain.

Marianne

The Colonel seems pretty far gone.

Nurse

Then we'd better do the Lieutenant next.
(They wind Lieutenant.
Johnny, come help with the Colonel.

General

(Who has been strutting about.
His mainspring must be broken!

Colonel

(Muttering as he is wound.
And she said, "Colonel, you're my idea of a perfect gentleman." Pretty little girl, - but her joints squeaked.

Captain

Can't that man think of anything but joints?

Major

(Shaking his head sadly.
Too many Kewpie dolls!

Colonel

Hello . . . Whazzat?
(Sees Johnny.
Johnny!

General

So it is!

Captain

What's Johnny doing here?

Lieutenant

Deserted, I bet.

Colonel

Traitor

Nurse

He couldn't help it

General

(Rousing himself.
I guess we'd better have a court martial.
(Johnny steps forward and salutes, sadly.

Colonel

Don't bother. Just shoot him.
(Marianne screams.

General

Trial first, execution afterward. It's customary, you know.

Nurse

What are you talking about?

General

Shooting him, of course. He deserted, didn't he?

Nurse

But he was lost. He couldn't do a thing. I found him.

General

Nonsense, Nurse. You don't understand these things. This is a man's war, fought in a man's way.
(General kicks an army block for emphasis.
What have you got to say for yourself, Johnny?

Johnny

I stopped because there wasn't any use in going on. I fought and fought, but the enemy always came back.

General

Tut! Tut! That's no excuse.

Johnny

There was sawdust everywhere. It kept spilling and spilling.

General

You're no kind of a soldier if you can't stand a bit of spilt sawdust. I'm afraid we'll have to convict you.

Nurse

Wait a minute. You call it desertion because he's run away?

General

Yes, of course.

Nurse

When a whole army runs away you call it a retreat.

General

Yes.

Nurse

Since Johnny's the whole army, he didn't desert, he retreated!

Major

There's something in that.

Colonel

Don't quibble over details. It's desertion.

General

I'm afraid it is.

Major

Honestly, I don't want to see the poor fellow shot.

General

It's too bad, but it's the Vest Pocket Standby, you know.

Major

Couldn't we suspend the rule, or break it, - just for once?

Colonel

What!

Lieutenant

Traitor!

Captain

Heavens, how radical!

General

Major, this is insubordination. Take care or you'll be court-martialled.

Colonel

And shot!

General

(Taking out the Vest Pocket Standby.
Let's see. Desertion, page 62.
(Lieutenant and Captain look over his shoulder.
(He turns and glares at their impudence, then
(turns back to Johnny.
Private, you are convicted of desertion, and will be shot accordingly.
(Marianne sobs.
Right about, face! To the guard room, march!
(General indicates by a gesture that Captain and
(Lieutenant are to act as escort to Johnny.

Marianne

(Running after Johnny.
Johnny! Johnny!
(Johnny marches out, accompanied by the sobbing
(Marianne and followed by Captain and Lieutenant.
(A heavy door slams; Marianne sobs more loudly.
(Captain and Lieutenant return, followed by
(Marianne, who comes slowly, weeping.

Captain

Well, that settles that.

Colonel

We've done our duty.

General

Yes. It said so in my best Vest Pocket Standby.
(He replaces the book in his pocket with a pat.

Captain

Let's play some more pinochle.
(Captain, Lieutenant, and Colonel wait for General
(to be seated, then sit down at the table.

Lieutenant

It's your deal, General.

Nurse

See here, you mustn't shoot Johnny.

General

(Shaking his finger at her.
Tut! Tut! Discipline must be maintained.

Nurse

Fiddlesticks!

Colonel

Run along now, Nursie. We're busy.

Captain

Forty Jacks.

General

(Writing the score.
Sixty Queens.

Nurse

(To General.
If you shoot Johnny, I'll never wind you again.

Colonel

She'll change her mind. I know women.

Lieutenant

I can't play. My luck's rotten today.

General

Forty pinochle.
(Writing the score.
For-ty pin-ochle.
(His hand drops and the pencil falls to the floor.

Captain

What's wrong?

General

I feel a lit-tle que-er.

Captain

You're not - ?

General

Yes, I think - I'm - run-ning down . . .

Lieutenant

I - feel a lit-tle queer - my-self.

General

It's get-ting hard - to move - I - think - I'm run-ning down. . . .

Nurse

I'm tired.

Major

(Falling slowly at her feet.
Wind me, Nurse?

Captain

Nurse, I need - a litt-tle wind-ing.

Nurse

I'm tired of winding.

Colonel

(Raises his arms to her, imploringly.
If you don't wind me - I'll - run - down. . . .

Lieutenant

Wind me - wind me . . .
(They all reach feebly toward Nurse.

Nurse

(Who, throughout these speeches, has taken the
(key once from Marianne and given it back to her
(again, then taken it again herself, now definitely
(hands it back to Marianne.
I'm tired of winding dolls for war.
(She stands silent, making no motion towards
(them. The red and green bubbles have faded out
(on the dome, leaving only the blue bubble of peace.

Curtain