[The letter is designed to look like an English composition paper. It has footnotes and illustrations. The illustration above is from the reverse flap on the envelope.]
Denkinger, Emma Marshall
English I.(6).
10 November, 1919.
For Miss Ball.
A Letter.
Sweet 1Miss Ball:
When I wrote a note asking you to come to a tea-party and hung it on your door2, I had no idea that you were away on the wild adventure of having your appendix out! And when I heard from Miss Snell how much worse things might have been, and how much worse the doctor thought they were, I found myself torn between3 relief that you had a plain unfashionable4 appendicitis, and a mighty admiration of anyone being so game! I hope you wont mind my saying this last - I cant help it.
Saturday I went to Sunderland with Miss Harper in her new Elizabeth5. We had what might be called a picquant6 [sic] start - travelling on one side and two wheels for a moment, but ultimately righting ourselves[.] I shall endeavour to make this clearer by diagram[.]
The perspective gives an inckling [sic] of this dizzy proceeding which was observed and later commented upon as remarkable by so conservative a critic as Ruth Rafferty. Aside from giving an exhibition of a prancing steed and bowling over Rockerfeller [sic] lawn instead of keeping to the road, Elizabeth behaved herself beautifully as a lady should.
Before starting for Sunderland, I had to go mousing in the kitchinette. [sic] I got a candle and crawled under the stove and bath tub, in search of a hole by which the vermin enter. Need I say this was a difficult position for as substantial a person as myself?
Fortunately I found no hole. Whereupon I brilliantly deduced the fact that the mouse7 must have entered by some other means. With relentless logic I eliminated the window as unlikely, and consequently decided that the door must be the orifice. I am happy to state that the mouse has been caught and life in the kitchinette is more secure. How true it is that all our bothers trouble us too much!8
I hope that you will make a wonderful recovery and be back with us soon. Also that you wont give me EE on this theme.
The girls miss you very much. I heard some of them say so at the Woodbridge. And I miss you, also, something fierce9[.]
Affectionately yours,
Emma Marshall Denkinger
Mountain View
November tenth
P.S.11 Are you in the kind of bed where they stand you on your head? Or aren't you?
P.S.12 How soon can10 I have a conference on this?
1 Not blather, but honest opinion. See Denkinger, E.M. Heart. chap. I., p. 1. [Idea cribbed out of Shakspere. T.N. I:3
2 See Door.
3 An original Freshman phrase - also used by Classic writers.
4 Because too common. I know I hadn't oughter use footnotes for explanation, but I couldn't get this idea into the text.
5 This is good langwidge week. so I cant say Tin Lizzie.
6 Spelling correct?
7 I forgot to say there was one. I saw him in a closet
8 No, this is not trite, Miss Ball. I have thought so many times myself.
9 Not bad usage but strong feeling.
10 = should be may.
11 = Pictorial Supplement
12 = Postscript (note: = Latin!)