My dear May;The last thing my pen did was to finish up an examination in philosophy. I have had three exams. in three days; so this is really the first breathing space I've had since your letter came - and took my breath away.
Indeed, your invitation came as a surprise, and a big one. You should send on a postal to remind me that something's coming, when you have anything like that to spring. How did you happen to think of inviting me? - that's what I don't see. I knew we were pretty good friends but I hardly suspected you would be so very - extra - ultra - super-thoughtful! I appreciate it and I want to come. I can't tell you in this letter whether I shall come or not - I must hear from home first, of course. What I want to do now is to get your best judgment. I am going to do it by telling you my own thoughts just as honestly and as completely as I know how - and when I say that this is between "us", I am quite sure that it will remain so. ("Us" does not include "your own dear Helen," remember!)
So far as getting away from here is concerned, I presume there would be no difficulty - though I should miss some lectures and might have a heavy encounter with the Recorder.
The chief trouble is that I am going to have a much-crowded half-year. Aside from regular work, which is always harder to carry the second half year than the first, on account of accumulation, I am expecting to try some honor exams. in the classics - I need "Second Year Honors," so called, if I am to get a recommend from the department as a teacher in a preparatory school. These exams. are going to take a lot of work, outside of my courses. I have got to get acquainted with the old Greeks and Romans (bless 'em!) as I have never got acquainted with them before. There is also a prize which I feel it my duty to try for between now and April. I don't feel that I have much of any show to get it - it is in Greek composition - but the practise will be valuable as a preparation for the honor exams. later. There is still another thing ahead of me. I think I shall have to take an extra trip home sometime in March - to take another pesky exam. This time, it will be a civil service exam. for the position of "rodman" - state service this time, not municipal. I want that kind of work next summer unless I can get something else as good. I don't know when the next exam. will come. I would take the one January 31, if I could get away then. But the midyears here will prevent. I am sort of planning to stay home for a few days when I do go to take the exam. - which is held in Albany, of course. The chances are then that I shan't get home at Easter time.
Those are the things that stare me in the face when I think of going. On the other hand, I shall have lots of pleasure if I come to Mt. Holyoke, I am certain of that. How much I should see of you I don't know - but enough to make me lonesome for the rest of the year, at any rate. (Perhaps that's too strong.) Of course the fact that I shouldn't be keeping you from the Junior prom. would be one good reason for going this year instead of some other. I know too that you would enjoy - or you hope to enjoy - having me come. I do want to see Mt. Holyoke, and you among your girl friends. But won't some other time do for us? I'll admit that in some ways this time is the very best, and I've some reasons too for thinking it isn't[.]
Now, if you will do it and can without spoiling all your enjoyment, - and very likely it would turn out to have increased your enjoyment, in one way if not in two - if you can, I say, and can believe that I shall be making a real sacrifice in staying away, and yet a sacrifice that seems best and necessary, I shall be glad to have you ask somebody over form Amherst. The fact that you asked me first will make me sufficiently happy.
Now I haven't said I wouldn't, have I? If I thought you could, in the nature of the case, be a real unbiased judge, I would leave the matter in your hands to decide. At any rate I know you will take this letter as I mean it. If it should give you pain in any way it is because I haven't been able to say what I wanted to say. Rather than that I would have you burn the letter and remember only that I will come if you want me. And yet I should be sorry that you misunderstood.
I must quit writing, if I want anything to eat - and I do. I have been taking a trolley ride and a walk with Clements this afternoon. Hence (?) the appetite.
Four or five of us are going to see Richard Mansfield in Julius Caesar, Monday night. I have three more exams., - at goodly intervals, thank Fortune!
They have given me a Bible School class over in Roxbury - ten or a dozen girls, age ditto. I wish you success in your examinations, and lots of fun when the big time comes - whether you decide that I must come, or not.
Your sincere friend,
Anson W. Belding.Cambridge, Mass.
January 23, 1903.[Anson was a member of the class of 1904 at Harvard College.]