Drew Seminary,
Carmel, N.Y.
Nov. 14, 1897.My very dear Susie,
Last Sunday afternoon I was in a peculiarly strange mood, and sat down to write you all the thoughts which were in my mind; but when I had written seven or eight pages I came to the conclusion that many sentiments which I had expressed would be better unexpressed and that my letter would not leave a perfectly pleasant and cheerful impression on your mind; so I destroyed my letter, and as it was then too late to write another, I had to content myself with simply sending you a postal card. Now I have returned to my normal condition, which I assure you, is a very cheerful one.
So far, this year has been delightful. Every period of my life has been happy, and really it seems to grow happier all the time. I am very fortunate in my friends, and certainly they make up the largest part of life. Then too, I am busy and love my work, which alone is enough to make life pleasant. I am anxious to hear from you next year how you like teaching. If only you could be in the same school with me! Perhaps sometime that beautiful event can be brought about.
This is a lovely Sunday, but I did not go to church. Some one of the teachers has to remain home always to look after the few girls who are excused from church, and today was my turn. It seemed very strange. Tonight, however, it is my duty to take the girls to church, so I shall get out once during the day. I cannot bear to stay at home from church all day.
We have had very disagreeable weather here lately. Last week there were three very rainy days, and nearly all the rest of the time the gale was so violent that one preferred not to go out in it. Miss Dixon and I had planned to pay calls in the village yesterday afternoon, but gave it up for fear of being blown away. Perhaps we can go tomorrow.
I enjoy Miss Dixon's society more and more all the time. We are not particularly confidential about our purely personal affairs, but we are thoroughly congenial in most respects and therefore enjoy being together. Last evening she spent with me in my room, both of us sewing. A large part of our leisure is spent together; sometimes one reads while the other sews, and sometimes we both sew and talk. Mrs. Yeager has been with us lately a good deal, especially with Miss Dixon, on whom she leans much when in trouble. At present she is very unhappy over her domestic troubles, some of which are real, but the worst of which are imaginary. If I ever marry a man, Susie, I am determined I shall trust him. I think existence must be perfect torture with one of whom you are jealous, or whom you distrust. And to distrust without cause is horribly unfortunate, though a person in that state of mind is deserving of the most sincere pity. I know some persons cannot help it; the mind seems really to be diseased in that one respect.
I have been indulging in little cocoa parties rather frequently for the last month. Sometimes they are very small parties indeed, consisting of Miss Dixon and myself, but often they include also Mrs. Yeager and Miss Fowler, or Miss Weed and Miss Griffith, or Miss Yeager and Miss Andrews. My little oil-stove, which mamma gave me last year for heating purposes, serves very well to make cocoa over. It is a great comfort in very cold weather, too. The Seminary is situated on a hill just where it gets the strongest wind from the lake. The country around Carmel is high anyway, and therefore cold, so when a strong, icy west wind is blowing from the lake, it penetrates the cracks around my windows, and if the steam-heat is not very good, I shiver somewhat.
Miss Weed and I are at present reading the "Count of Monte-Cristo." Miss Weed has read it before, but I have not, and am extremely interested in it. It is such a big book however, and we get so little time to read together, that I think we shall not get through it much before Christmas. We have been reading for two weeks and have just finished the first volume, so we are about half through now. Until Thanksgiving I shall be very busy indeed, so we shall not be able to read much for the next two weeks.
The mention of Thanksgiving sends a little pang through my heart, for I am so disappointed because I cannot see you there. However, I know I could not do otherwise than I am doing about it, so I need not worry and fret over what cannot be mended. Probably, if I have many compositions on hand to correct, I shall not go home until the morning of Thanksgiving Day, but shall spend the previous evening at Drew, engaged in the pleasant occupation of correcting essays. I would much rather do that than find an overwhelming pile awaiting me on my return. I cannot keep up with that part of m work without devoting most of Monday to it, and the Monday before Thanksgiving we are going to have recitations instead of the usual recreation day.
Next Tuesday I have charge of the Periodical Club meeting. We have a good list of subjects down for consideration "the Rejuvenation of the Jew" and "the Influence of Climate in International Athletics" and two articles on the "Clayton-Bulwer Treaty," all from the last three numbers of the North American Review. "Andrée's Flight into the Unknown" from the November Century is a rather lighter article which we are also going to talk about. Miss Dixon is especially interested in the Jews and I in the Clayton-Bulwer treaty discussion, and I suppose everyone is interested in Andrée's project.
Sweetheart, are you not much happier now than when we first knew each other? I know you are. You don't know how much it pleases me when you open your heart as you did in your last letter, and tell me something of your heart life. I know, - oh, so well! - the experience of which you write, that of depending on some
otherfellow-mortal for what we should get from God alone. I think most places in the world are hard to live a Christian life in, hard in one sense, because of adverse influence. Here at Drew there is perhaps no influence which one could call positively adverse, and yet there is a great lack of spiritual life and feeling, which has a deadening influence.Now, goodby, sweetheart, and do not forget to plan for next summer.
Lovingly
Gertrude.