[Some paragraph breaks added for ease of reading.]Tuesday Morning March 28
Dear Mother:
Seated beside the cooking stove, watching the coffee browning in the baker, I will try to write to you. I have been on the lounge most of the two past days but feel better this morning. I was feeling quite better a day or two, but took fresh cold. I have been suffering from something like rheumatism all over me, but specially in my shoulders and back. I seem to be just wearing out, but I have no immediate notion of dying. If it were not for my dependent children and you, I should not care how soon my summons came.
There has been a reason for my feeling worse recently which I cannot write, but will tell you when I see you.
I had a letter from Horry in which he says the cottage is rented for $200 but will only accomodate [sic] seven. Five are responsible. Mr & Mrs Ralston, you[,] cousin Ellen & Horry. Has Auntie backed out? Now I don't know what to do. How about Willie if I take him. Will he count one in full - if so I cannot do it. You first wrote the Cottage would hold ten. That would have been $20 apiece[.] But 7 will increase it to almost $29.
Have you any idea how much per week the board will be? I am sorely perplexed over the whole business. I did think a little of taking the girls too if I could get passes, but at this rate of course I cannot do that. Then comes the question. How can I leave them? - It has just struck me. Now that you have a house, that I might take the girls to Mechanicsburg and leave them there. They could stay in your house and cook for themselves & if Auntie is at home, she might be willing to stay with them at night. What would you think of this plan. They have worked very hard and need a change too. I have so many besides myself to think of you see. I must take care of my girls too, for they will be my dependance by and by. Now do not worry about me. I have come through many hard places, and the Lord will bring me through all that are yet between me and eternal rest.
The rest will be all the sweeter when it comes for the weariness of the way.
Afternoon - The girls have gone to their examinations - Willie is working in the yard & I am sitting by the little dining-room stove. I am invited out to a very select tea-party this evening at the house of one of the Professors. No one on this hill is invited around as much as I am. For as you know, my poor health has not broken my spirits - I can still keep the fun going. I am so glad I can[.] Anything but a fretful, peevish invalidism[.] If I must suffer, I will laugh just as long as I can - If we all get into that, Cottage by the Sea this Summer depend upon it - will have some fun - lots of it. I can groan between times. If I am able I will go to Pittsburg next week and see what I can do about passes. If not able to go, I will write. I have so many things to talk to you about, but I cannot write them. It hurts me very much to write. I am so glad you have a house. - am sure it is best so.
If I cannot go to the Seashore - I will likely go to Philadelphia about the first of May, possibly sooner. In that case I cannot stay long with you. If I go to the seashore - I will have to go a little later and stay - making one trip answer. [?] Really the whole matter is in a state of lamentable uncertainty, and time only can clear it up. I had a little scold from Willie that is move their [sic] to live - thinks I should retire from society and give up everything. How long do you suppose I would have in such circumstances?
As for physical rest, I am not doing much of anything - and as far as mental rest so long as I have a family to care for and little means to do it on - I cannot escape anxiety. I do not sit down and worry - but if I could not escape from myself by going out and getting my mind on other things I would. One cannot always judge for another. Will thinks it foolish for you to keep house - you know it is best, and so it is in my case. I am just as well of here and as happy as I could be anywhere else. There is no use tumbling around over the world to get away from trouble or to find rest. I will find it in God's own time and way. When the cloud moves, I will move, not sooner. If I could only get a little stronger, I would not fear about the getting alone. Various avenues are open to me just now if I had better health - but as it is, I am bound hand and foot by my own weakness.
So God wills now write as soon as you can, and I will write when I have anything to tell you.
Jennie