The Johns Hopkins Hospital Oct. 25, '17
Lady dear,
I have not written for various reasons; chiefly because of the air of unsettledness which has been hanging over us here since I returned in Sept. For a month after my return I carried a ward of 14 beds, 13 hours' teaching a week & 3 hrs' nurses' lectures which had to be worked up evenings, besides 11 hrs. a week of various clinic appointments such as dispensory, Dr. Meyer's lectures, staff conference, not to mention the hours spent in dictating letters, interviewing relatives etc. I spoke to Dr. Meyers about its being too much, but for some reason he was loath to lighten matters of responsibility. About two weeks ago my back began to take notice. At first I thought it was a neurosis, as I am exceedingly neurotic as to aches & pains, but last Sunday I went to see Dr. Bennett. (Dr. Baer is in France.) He seemed to think it probably a lighting up of the old exostosis plus a unilateral of sacroiliac strain. I am having other corsets made for night & day. In the meantime I sleep in my day outfit with a fracture board between the matress [sic] & spring. A fracture board is made of slats nailed on a frame so as to keep bed from sagging in middle. It is a great comfort, & by using it I have far less pain than I did. I suspect that the flare up is due to the fact that my present corset was made 1 1/2 yrs ago when I weighed 11 1/2 lbs. more than I do now. Hence pressure spots are dislocated. One good thing is that the adventure wrenched me from my ward which is a great relief. I still take occasional patients on the women's side, but have no regular charges. My work is congenial & stimulating. I do all the bedside work with the 3 & 4th year students. It's intensely interesting working up an enthusiasm in mental diseases - though an inglorious task so far as what men call success is concerned. Everyday I am overwhelmed by the need of a common sense, working knowledge of this great branch of medicine of which the profession & the public are so ignorant.
This year I am lecturing 3 times a week to the senior nurses on Fuctional mental disorders & giving demonstrations of patients. I like it too, not only for its training involved in putting matters concretely & forcibly, but also for the privilege it gives in sowing seed in fruitful places.
My warlike activities are not conspicuous. I haven't joined anything & do not even knit. I turned down taking a First Aid class at the Y.W.C.A. & also giving a course there this winter on child welfare. The war is going to last at least 2 years more, & we must not spend ourselves all at once. Just now everybody is running at his full speed without thought of the length of the course. As for myself I am going to speed up gradually & cult a sense of satisfaction from day to day. I have no eyes on going abroad. First because I do not think women physicians should go until they go as men do with the [work?] & joy of M.R.C. Second it is more glorious to dis[...] a bursting shell than to be slowly crucified at hoem trying to teach M.R.C. who don't know the rudiments of phys. exam. let alone mental regiments, but I don't think there is much difference in the patriation represented by the two efforts.
My living arrangements are satisfactory except the social side. I have a great many friends, so that all my non-professional hours are occupied to a great extent, but there is no one aside from father upon whom I can lean myself. I suppose this is true of most of us. Dr. Guy is buried in his work more than ususal, & I seldom see her but one evening a week when we dine together. She seems to me to have become rather moody & shut-in especially if things go wrong in the lab. I have noticed an increasing tendency to sensitiveness, so that when we are in company I am ill at ease for fear I shall say something to hurt her feelings. She is working far too hard, and under too much pressure. This business of living is a delicate adjustment. I think I grow more charitable each month with human frailties, as I dip into intimate problems of my patients. Last year I shared a suite with a woman Dr. from Rush. Med. She is a brilliant person, stood first in her class & is a Phi Beta Kappa. From an academic stand point she can do anything, but here for the first time she found herself in a situation where her personal complexes tripped her up. All the year she was subject to fearful depressions & agitated discouragement, often going nights without sleep. At times she was surrounded by the apparent hopelessness of the job before her, the depths of misery into which she must go with her patients, always pointing out light in the darkness, supplying hope & courage when it had long ceased to exist. I think for the first time in life she realized that intellect is not sanity, but only a very small part of that mysterious something we call a human being.
I have moved into Dr. Scott's bedroom & sitting room, & she has moved into Dr. Halls. Everything is comfortably arranged, & yet I am looking forward to being out of the house. by Jan. 1st. I expect to go home for Christmas holidays. By the way, I am limiting my domestic Christmas giving to my children friends, & sending the mite usually stored for my adult friends to the children of the aalies as long as the war lasrs. And I am asking my friends to do the same by me.
I hope you are not being borne under by the clamor of the times. Your responsibilities are many.
Remember me to your mother.
Affectionately,