A Letter written on Aug 4, 1920

Sherborn, Mass.
Aug. 4, 1920.

Lady dear,

Your letter I read over often. It is a great tribute to be a comfortable friend to you.

I want to tell you of a blow that has just fallen. Dr. Meyer writes that our Assoc. Prof. Dr. Campbell has been called to Harvard to take Southard's place & that I have been chosen to take his place on the Hopkins staff. I am aghast at the thought! Just plain terrified. It is the first time a woman has ever held this job or a similar one on any service of our Hosp. I shall be Psychiatrist-in-chief of the Disp. The thought of being responsible for hundreds of patients a year nearly unbalances me. Worse yet, there is the consulation practice of thousands a year which I don't want. And the research which I do want. From his letter I am to have two days a week for that. I am going up to spend the week end with Dr. Meyer & discuss details. Apparently there is no doubt in his mind about my accepting. Not to do so seems like deserting him. He writes, "I feel in a way that it would greatly unify the entire teaching scheme and that it would be a very valuable step in your own development." There's not a doubt in the dear chief's mind but what I'm able to do all this. I do believe that man thinks I can do anything. Why, Lady dear, I've been out of medical school only 5 years & I don't know enough. I am going to make "some" kick on the highbrow stuff - the Tues. & Fri. clinics, & the ward rounds. Why I'd die. It's all so different from what I'd planned. I'm not very happy. Do write me.

Esther