The Johns Hopkins Hospital March 12, 1922
Lady dear,
I shall not try to think of the weeks that have passed since I wrote you. In some respects the winter has gone quickly; in others it has dragged depressingly. So much has come up that I want to talk to you about, & here I am at the beginning of the 3rd trimester with the heaviest teaching schedule I have ever carried, & not a soul to lighten up the burden. Over 100 people have elected my Sat. P.M. course on Psychopatholog. problems of childhood. I am sick of myself & sick of my talk. How I can face it all I don't know.
I have not dared to open your Osler book for fear of seeing in it mirrors of my own deficiencies that contemplating just now would drive me into a panic. I have put it away till summer to read with Adams' letters to his niece. Thank you for remembering me, & most of all for being so patient with my shortcomings. I envy you tremendously the ability to get joy out of life as you go along. It is wonderful. But to jot down a few psychic facts since last we met.
1. I turned down an offer from the Mental Hygiene people to be field director of a large juvenile research project at my own salary, & complete control of work & personnel. It was just what I wanted - the chance to work with youth & children. But the Chief said, "You know what it would mean to me if you left." It wasn't a personal matter but the good of the cause here. And I stayed. It ploughed me up a bit.
2. I am feeling for the first time University friction & rough sledding. Full time stuff is being forced as an issue. It is most depressing. At times I could chuck the whole business & go back on the farm.
3. Augustus' domestic affairs get my coat. [sic] Richard was here for a T. & A. last month, & his nurse told me a lot I wish she had not.
4. Dr. Meyer is urging me to take over Psychiatry in he Balt. schools just for a year so that he wont [sic] lose control of the situation till he finds a man to fill it. I don't see how I can with all my work even tho' he gives me an assistant. The politics of the situation alone sicken me in contemplation. Yet I see his point, & hate to refuse him.
5. Finances are going badly - I can get on myself, but I cannot swing others I'd like to.
6. Miss Meagher has a job in Wash. that keeps her there except for week ends. It's a Catholic job, with a lot of Church fighting. I hope for her morale she can keep it. Business depression is affecting nursing as well as everything else.
Well, here's a row of the thistles I want you to know of. I am glad to realize you are still in the world.
Good night, dear,
Esther