Peterboro, N.H.
July 25, '84.My dear girl,
Your letter came a week ago tomorrow night days late and much postmarked because of a trip through Vermont. They did not get my address right at the Sem. and all my letters bear numerous postmarks.
Gertrude, you don't know how glad I was to hear from you. The next best thing to siting down and looking into your eyes and talking with you, it was such a good letter, almost like thinking with you. It was brought up just as I was going to bed, so I waited until the last thing was done, and then, in bed, read your loving messages. They did me so much good, for I feel so homesick to see you sometimes.
Is it so, dear? Did you mean me to read what I did about the "Character" and to judge as I did from one of your notes, (how I did love to see them come under my door), that you have found the Love around you? I had a terrible time with my intellect for seven or eight years, and then, why, when I try to find the meaning of Infinite by thinking what the universe contains and the power and love and justice that must be required to deal with all mankind, it makes me feel so helpless. O so helpless, and so my intellect has shrunk away ashamed, and I can only trust. I trusted my Mother so, and my Father, when I was a baby, and only a baby still, resting on the heart of my God - our Father - it is all trust still. Ah the "weak, erring lives." Mine is my great sorrow continually. It is so wavering, the purposes are so weak, the will so wavering, the love so fickle! I am ashamed, ashamed. If He will deign to use so poor an instrument it will be such an honor! Did you ever think how great an honor He has conferred upon us in just creating us? When He did not need you and me in the least and yet has given us the chance to help Him a little, with a Father's compassion, a Mother's comfort and Infinite love?
Only forty-four girls? We are forty-six, Gertrude. Every word of your wishes for our girls my own heart echoed as I read. I look over my album nearly every day and feel so happy that there was a place there for me. Strong in faithfulness, "faithful in the least," that is waht we w'ld have them, what we would be, eager to fill the place that we made for, earnest to do our best. If we c'ld only forget ourselves, if we only were not of so much importance in our own estimation, if we could only just live in and for our God and our neighbors. Do you not long to smoothe away some of the wrinkles in the world, to bear some of the burdens that are oppressing so many many shoulders, to help? You and I know the bitter taste of sorrow, dear. I think I know a little what despair means, and the love is all the dearer. I think perhaps we know how to love better, don't you? So many, many times, dearie, when I saw a look in your face that not everyone saw, I have so longed to take you in my arms and pillow your head in the "hollow," and show you, if I could, the love that was so near you. So many times my hands have had to hold each other tightly because they longed to smoothe the tired, tired restless look out of your eyes. So many times, again, my heart has ached to put my head down in your lap and tell you of the hungry love that was there. "Hard"? Are you "hard"? I never should have thought it. Gertrude, Gertrude, I have to say that strong, sweet word over and over to myself with a loving lingering over the two syllables. You are more than I ever could tell you to me.
I had a good laugh over your pompous delegate. I fancy I see you together now. I spent a beautiful moonlight night on the Hudson over, so I could face the deck with you and see it all again, it was like the memory of rich, sweet music - soft, quiet, peaceful, - hushing, resting, inspiring, crumbling [?] our unquiet hearts. Alone? I am never alone and that is the comfort of it, such things take me to God.
Can you not rest? Must you entertain company? How hard that must be. Rest, rest, Gertrude, and be ready for work when it comes. Is there need of patience to meet little stinging troubles every day with you?
I spent a few delightful days with Mrs. Lawrence, two with my sister in Westboro, she has gone to Omaha since, and came here to my Aunt a week ago tomorrow. She is very, very kind. I have given full notice that I cannot see company, and so I ride and fuss around a little and read and that is about all. I cannot read much for my head is so "outsidely." Next week I am going to Rochester, Vermont for a month, and expect, O Gertrude, it seems to[o] good to be true! -to be with my two friends. Beyond that I cannot see.
"O Lord my God do Thou Thy holy will,
I will lie still.
I will not stir lest I forsake thine arm
and break the charm
which lulls me, clinging to my Father's breast,
In perfect rest."Did you ever come across that?
The "loneliness" was not of discontent but only of longing. I would have liked to have known you girls better. Yes, it is all beautiful. You love the little word of royal tone as well as I, I suspect, my friend my friend.
With my loving wish
A. Frances.