[A few paragraph breaks added for ease of reading.]Mt. Holyoke.
Mar. 14. 1893. Tues. Eve.
My dear darling - I love you & I am so happy that you love me - nearly all day I have been grinding on just plodding, over a bad old German book, which I wanted for my Greek work, but I have had the little picture just before me all the time, have crossed myself every now & then before ect - the more I look at the picture the more I love it - it grows more & more like you in face. I begin to think its [sic] very natural now - for I know how it is that one reads the real face into the imperfect likeness, & from the first I have adored this picture - oh what if you should say you want me to burn it? But you will not - you are too good to ever ask so hard a thing of me, dear my lover. Now I must kiss you & go straight to sleep. I am so glad you had the picture sweetheart - I thank you. I wish you were here just one second.
Your Lisa.
Thurs. Morn.
Dear George - There! doesn't that look funny? I never began a letter like that, did I? I love your name. I love it better than any name in the world. I have to say it. I've never quite gotten over the thrill of daring to say it. Mentally I always put "King" or "Saint" before it then think how glad I am its [sic] your name. But we wont name any of our boys "George", will we? because it ought to be just your name.
Oh darling, I had such a beautiful time yesterday. I went to Springfield with Miss Hamilton - the Spring goods are out, & hats, & tulips & daffodils in the windows - & we lunched at Barr's, & ordered our hats - but I shant tell you anything about mine till it comes & I see if its a success - & I bought some charming gloves - [...] & mauve in color. I'm going to wear them with my new hat & blue gown [force?] Spring suit. When we reached home at 8 P.M. we made coffee & toaste & had a little supper all by ourselves. And your letter had come, & one from Christabel - & Chrissie is so happy - you can guess why, dear? & isn't not beautiful? She had told me about it before, but now it will be soon & the joy fills all her thoughts. Oh blessed new life!
Darling boy, you were not happy & the letter was short. You were troubled about Harvard & whether you should stay in Germany to be with Alice.
It was easier for me to be there alone than for Alice because my little German was very well at my command & I could understand perfectly. In Greece, too, I was not alone till I had learned Greek enough to get on easily. But in France I was quite alone & reckless. Miss Hartley had the same experience in Italy. Alice cd. get on with perfect comfort safely particularly if she can go in time for you to establish her before you leave. Many a girl does just that, & Alice would adjust herself with ease anywhere. She must not think of staying at home, even if you are not there. She could go over early with Lew, in June anyhow, & live in her future home several weeks before you leave the city, if she could not travel with you & Lew would be possible for you, at least to go back to Leipzig [...] her, get your books &c, before leaving for America. In case of any possible danger from cholera you & Lew would be that side the ocean till such danger was past, & would not fear leaving her alone in the fall.
In case it seems better for you to be here something like this must be done. As to whether or not it is better, it seems to me not only your study can decide that. I do think you ought to be where you can gain the most possible from the year's work. I think you owe that to yourself. Your work, & to me, move that you owe the staying in Leipsiz, under less favorable conditions for study, & Alice, but if Alice really will not go to Germany unless you are thre, I think you ought to stay & get less out of work.
About the scholarship, dear, I do not mind. Do as you like & I shall be satisfied.
I have tried all the time to leave myself out of the question entirely. I am not sure how far that is right. I think its right that you should [...] away from me, if it lies between your being near me & Alice's losing her year in Germany. But if its a question of Alice's having you near her in Leipzig, or my having you in America then I am inclined to think the right is for me to have you.
Darling, I, like you, can but be very suspicious of the motives which lead me to deem that right which is so entirely in accord with my strongest desires. Yet it now seems right that in considering what we should do next year we should plan in [...] for as possible to give ourselves to each other. We need each other. We live for each other, we long for each other. I can steel myself to your being in Germany, so long as I believe it is the very best thing for you to do - can bear it with comparitive [sic] calmness & be happy under it, for your sake, but if you may as well be here as there, nay better, why then tis a different thing - then, it seems to me, I could no longer bear it. Darling, we must not be selfish. We must bear the separation another year, if need be for Alice's sake, or if expenses at Harvard are so heavy as to prevent your studying there, otherwise - oh come home to me my Love, my only one. -
But think again, it's going to be much easier for you & me to bear next years separation, than it has been to bear this. If I can in any way accomplish it I'm going abroad this summer - its not at all probably yet I might possibly. & then there would be but a year. If, on the other hand, you come home, you can see me only a day or two, at college, & a part of the Christmas vacation - I should spend only a part of it at our home, dear, in Albion[.] I should have to be with Uncle half the time. Before the summer of '94 we should be very little together, if we had more money you could come often here or I meet you in Boston, but we could afford that, dear. George, it makes me simply rage when I think how we are being, & shall for long time hence be, kept away from each other only for lack of money - [...] how the precious years are flying away!
But in the summer of '94 you would come home anyhow - I dont mean dear, that a single moment with you is not worth a year of common life to me, but I mean that we must not offset the advantages of your staying on in Germany by the promise of being much & often together during next year.
Fri. Morn.
Another letter from you - you have written to Harvard you say & will go if you get the scholarship. It is well and wise, I believe, George. If you can gain more in your work at Harvard, can afford to be there, have gained sufficient command of the German to enable you to use it all, you need hereafter in your reading, do not keep Alice at home by your leaving Germany, (as there is no need whatever of your doing) why should you not come home, Sweet? Is it not the rightest right for you to be as near me as you can, to come to me as often as you can? Granted the other things are true, dear, I think you would be wrong to stay. Think no more about the wrong of yeilding [sic] to your inclinations. I shall put that fear wholly away from my thoughts at once - he'll never come back to me. Why, darling, we ought to yeild [sic] to our love, to let it lead us & guide every act unless, so doing, we interfere with your best work or are selfish to Alice.
My thoughts have been keeping pace with yours. I have followed the same path. - hardly keeping pace, either, they have been about two weeks behind necessarily. The thought of Alice's being in Germany without you occurred to me just before the letter came in which you spoke of it. The possibility of its being right for you to take into account our happiness & desires, has been growing into [utter?] conviction that it was right all these last days. Nothing you have said about the matter has seemed strange to me, for in each case, I had just reached that point in thinking the matter thru for myself. I do not want you longer to distrust your notions, dear, nor to hate making the change.
I cannot help the sudden gleeful lifting of a black shadow from off my life. My heart bounds with joy free & unrestrained again. The years ahead look short & sweet, with you near.
But I know 'tis all uncertain yet, if Alice thinks she can not go to Germany unless you are there you must stay - beyond doubt - or if you cannot get the scholarship you may think it best to stay - so I will try. I promise you dear, not to think much about your being next year at Harvard till I know it is certain. Of course I shall not mention it meanwhile. I hope Lew will go early to Germany & not shorten his summer in Europe. If cholera is so dangerous that you think it unsafe for Alice to be in Leipzig before Sept. couldn't you meet her when she lands & take her to Germany?
No more now, dear, but soon. Darling, you did not feel that you loved me much when you wrote those last letters, did you? oh I wish you were here, darling.
Your Lisa.