[Some paragraph breaks added for ease of reading.]Madison University,
April 18th 1850 -Friend Caroline,
It is the second day of vacation; and as I am to spend my time "right here", I have for the first thing looked over my unanswered letters. Your last is among the number, and though it does not exactly require an answer, I am disposed to give it the first attention. Indeed on rereading it I wonder that I have so long refrained from responding. But I remember that when I first read it, I doubted whether any response would be likely to be more acceptable than silence. On reading again, however, I perceive that my letter which called forth your last occasional painful feelings which I ought not to have inflicted, and though I do not able to make any amends, I must even at this late hour ask pardon. If in my previous letter, I assumed anything of an advising or reproving tone, it was wholly out of place; and I beg leave to deny any such intentions. My whole object was to show, (what I then supposed you hardly thought me to believe,) that I could regard both yourself and L. entirely innocent with regard to the cause and issue of your final separation.
I supposed it almost an axiom that in such affairs generally, one or both parties are sadly at fault. But it seemed to me that in your case, nature rather than will planted the cause of final separation after genuine attachment. If you still have my letter, please read it again and see if it is not its whole scope to harmonize the cause of my brother with moral integrity. I am confident he truly loved you, and but slowly yielded to the painful conviction that you could never be to him the devoted wife that his too sensitive nature coveted.
It is gratifying to me to know, as I now do, that you acquit him of culpable infidelity towards yourself. I have from the first deprecated the supposed, corroding bitterness that such affairs generally engender. Happy am I to receive, and on my own part, reciprocate the kind feelings which you seem still to cherish. Since my first acquaintance with you, you have possessed my esteem and affection, nor do I wish ever to withdraw them. But I need not repeat what I have before said - I only ask that you will still have confidence in my kind regards, and allow me to do you any favor that is in my power. - -
April 29th I was called away after I had written the above, and have just returned; or rather have just been back long enough to learn the result of my visit. The trustees of the Rome Academy in Oneida county were wishing to obtain a second teacher in their institution and I was requested to visit them. They have concluded to employ a temporary assistant for the summer, and wish me to think about coming in the Fall. It is on some accounts a desirable location, and I may be disposed to go; but it is quite doubtful. I am now teaching mathematics two hours per day in the Academy in this village. The labor is pleasant and pecuniarily somewhat profitable.
I like the work of teaching and have serious thoughts of spending my life in the employment if circumstances favor. It is my wish however to watch the indications of Providence and strive to pursue the path of duty. It is of small importance in what particular sphere we act, if we are doing the will of our Father in heaven. There is no real enjoyment out of the path of duty, and in it is always peace. - -
You are aware, I suppose, that Lucian was married about the first of Jany., and you may have wondered that I did not inform you in my last of his intentions; but, Caroline, they were then unknown to me. I did not even imagine that such an event was so soon to occur. The lady of his choice pretends not to beauty or accomplishments; but is amiable and excellent. If the marriage were no injustice to you, it seemed to me altogether desirable. It may be simple justice to assure you that she who is now his wife did not at all possess L's affections until after his visit at Mt Holyoke. -
Martha, in her last letter, asks if I have heard from you lately and expresses her earnest affections. She does, Caroline, love you and covets your confidence and kind regards. Has she not truly "a warm heart," and how can I but love her? Her affection is to me an ever bright oasis in this world. She is dearer than life, and I sometimes fear that the love I bear her is too great for our Heavenly Father's approval. Yet I know not how to make it less, and I do feel that I may love her well.
But I did not design to indulge in this strain. Pardon me if I seem extravigant [sic]; yet be assured, Caroline, there is affection stronger than life. May you know the sweet solace of friends' heartfelt regard, and may my own dear Martha and myself be permitted ever to remain your true friends. - -
I have very little news to write you. Bro. Ward is married and now in Ohio. He is to sail with missionaries Wade and others early in the summer. From Ohio I hear nothing of any special importance. Mother and Mary wrote me a good letter not long since. Folks at home are well and quite happy. You have probably heard that Fowler is married to a Miss Crawford of Geneva. From bro. Webb I have not heard in a long time. The last that I knew of him he was teaching in Tennessee. - -
Caroline, I shall be very glad to hear from you; but I fear my letters are rather painful than otherwise to yourself, and if so, I certainly wish to desist from writing you. Do not conceal the facts, Caroline, but speak to me freely; and at all times, my dear friend, believe me
Yours Affectionately,
Luke Osborn