[Some paragraph breaks added for ease of reading.]Oswego Sept. 4th 1849 -
Dear Friend Caroline,
Your note by Martha was very gratefully received, and I designed to have given it an earlier answer; but have been prevented until the present time. Gladly do I embrace the opportunity of spending a few hours in addressing one with whom I ever found it pleasant to converse. I have no news of particular interest or importance to communicate; but there are a few things about which I wish to write more freely and fully than I have ever yet done.
First, however, I would just say, in brief, that I take it for granted that you have heard from Martha since she left you. We had a delightful visit; at least, to me it was so. She stayed until after Commencement and we thus had the privelege [sic] of several long "chats." We came in company to this city, from which she went on in company with Miss Knapp and Mr Webb. I have not yet heard from her since she left.
I am again in this (Oswego) county engaged in the work of colportage in connection with an esteemed classmate. My health has been good until within a few days past, I have been suffering somewhat from the summer-complaint. My strength is not sufficient to warrant my laboring, and I am glad to spend the time so agreeably as in writing some of my friends. Pardon me if my letter seems to partake somewhat of the author's infirmity. - -
Often I have thought and almost resolved to write you in regard to some subjects which are not improper, but about which we are usually rather delicate. Without the thought of flattery, (for be assured I aim to avoid that vice) let me say I have a high regard for your views and feelings. If I mistake not, you have also some confidence in me and my kind feelings towards yourself. We may, therefore, be frank and free, though our views may differ. -
The human heart, unstrung, shattered, defiled by the Fall, Christianity aims to reorganize and tune anew. Even in its natural state some of its chords, if rightly struck, send forth sweet music to gladen [sic] and cheer the world. But it is still exceedingly defective and its music harshly discordant until the genius of Christianity begins its reconstruction. That tunes the heart for God's service; and when its work is fully done, man becomes again truly "little lower than the angels." Supreme love to God and entire devotion to his service, are the only love and devotion that may properly be supreme and entire.
But it is not in regard to these that I wish now to speak. As the hearts love for "things above" is its highest, purist, noblest exercise, so the most blessed thing of earth is the heart's affection. If there be aught of man's primeval excellence that has survived the Fall, it is seen in the generous, soul-stirring principle of Love! Do not, Caroline, cast away this sheet because of the introduction of this subject. Let me express my thoughts freely with regard to it, and then I beg a similar expression from you - do grant it.
Our heavenly Father of his abundant, goodness has granted to each one of my sex the privelege [sic] of seeking out a congenial spirit with whom he may cultivate the most tender sympathy and affection. "Youth longs for a kindred spirit" - one who shall be more, much more, than a friend; one to whom alone the whole heart shall be open, and towards whom the tenderest emotions shall go forth; one whose responsive affection shall be as a dear oasis in this cold world, to which it shall ever be pleasant to turn and by which we are ever cheered and refreshed.
To what extent is the cultivation of such peculiar attachment to one alone, innocent and profitable? I desire to know if your views differ from my own in this respect. If so, shall I be profited by adopting your views? For my own part I love Martha, I love her devotedly, and neither conceal nor greatly restrain my affection. From the very beginning of our attachment we have been free, frank, and cordial. Thus noursished [sic] our attachment has constantly strengthened. It has never waned, never been marred. It ever pleases me to review the growth of our mutual affection.
At first indicating my feelings by clasping her hand in my own, I soon followed the token by a frank confession of my decided preference. It was reciprocated, and since then, I am happy to say, that I have not been compelled to be always first in expressions of attachment. Her first hesitating, girlish kiss has been followed by many a hearty embrace; but not in one instance has she seemed too forward, or at all out of place.
I mean when with her alone - perhaps wisdom would have dictated a little more reserve at times when we were in the presence of others. You may judge, for every impropriety of this kind has occurred under your own eye. With each other we are not reserved. I delight to seek her happiness and bestow upon her my fullest affection. My feelings towards no other bears any resemblance to the love I bear her. I respect, esteem, like others; I love only Martha. She often receives, too, the fullest proofs of my affection; and I am made happy by a thousand evidences of its being reciprocated. The many speaking actions - the promptings of a full heart - I neither restrain nor avoid. They unite us more closely, and we "grow up leaning on each other."
Now I do not think such devoted attachment improper or undignified. True, seperation [sic] would cause extreme pain; but shall we avoid attachment to friends on that account? If so, every man and every woman should become a hermit! . -
You are ready to ask, "what is all this to me? what folly leads Luke unasked to tell me the story of his affection?" Had I not, Caroline, the utmost confidence in you, and the firm belief that you will keep all secret, I should never have written what I have. But having that confidence, being also Lucian's confident, [sic] and believing that his views coincide with my own, I have a strong desire to know if yours differ. I wish to write much more, but must stop. It pained me to learn what I did from L. lately. Probably it is all for the best; but please to write me once freely upon the subject I have introduced. In future I will turn to other subjects.
Since writing the previous page, I have received a letter from Martha. She does not say whether she has yet written you or not. She had a pleasant and quick passage home where she now is, well and busily at work. Of course her folks were all very glad to see her. She is now enjoying home, "sweet home[.]" Would that we, too, Caroline might enjoy the pleasures of the same dear place! I want to see home very much, but while duty points a different course let us abide by its directions, and we shall ever be directed to the best place, although it be not "the home of our childhood".
I have not heard from Lucian since Commencement. I do not know where he disigns [sic] to spend the winter. We had but a short visit at Hamilton. DO not imagine, Caroline, that he indulges (so few as I can judge) one unkind feeling towards you, or that he awakened one in my own mind. When there is not that devoted attachment of which I have attempted to speak, I do not think there is the proper basis of a permanent union; but may there not still be a sincere friendship?
As my brother's friend, Martha's, and my own, my regard for you has long been great and sincere. It is so still, and my earnest wish that I may never prove unworthy your kind regard. I shall rejoice to hear of your prosperity. Gladly are you remembered in my prayers - may I ask an interest in your own? Are you among strangers and sometimes gloomy? I can sympathise with you. Let me hear from you! Address me at present at "New Haven, Oswego Co N.Y.". -
Yours Truly Luke -