[I added a few paragraph breaks to the ones she had placed in the letter to make it easier to read.]
Holyoke, June 14, 1847.
My dear Cousin,Your letter, mailed the ninth, was received last Saturday, to which I hasten to reply. My dear cousin, I do deeply sympathize with you in your repented and heavy afflictions. The Lord has indeed come very near to your family, and is fast transplanting its members into his upper kingdom. And will it be that you will be the next to go? Has consumption fixed its fatal grasp on you? And are the flattering promises of Physicians finally to prove delusive? This is only known to Him, whose your breath is & in whose hands are all your ways. I hope you may recover. That physician, of whom you spake perhaps may aid you. I, as yet, have not made very much enquiry about him, though I will ascertain all I can from the young ladies, whose homes are in Massachusetts. My roommate, who is from N. York State, think he may be the same gentleman, who gave public lectures on Anatomy & Physiology, & made similar professions of medical skill in Newbury. The name of this gentleman she thinks differs however from what she heard. She understood it Wheaton. He was there considered successful. She believes some cases were pretty decided. The time he was there was towards the close of last summer.
I do my dear friend earnestly hope you will use all possible means for your restoration, for I would have you still tarry with us. Yet this is, with health & without the severe afflictions you have been so frequently called to pass, a veil of tears, which heaven, your home beyond the skies, is a place of joy unspeakable & full of glory: but this is a precious period of probation, in which you may prepare to take a higher & more blessed seat in your Heavenly father's kingdom: it is the only period, in which you may know your Redeemer by contending against sin by pointing dying sinners to him & by suffering for his sake. He seems now to be perfecting you through sorrow & suffering. Can you kiss the rod & bless the hand that holds it? Can you rejoice to leave yourself and your dearest interests in his hands?
Your dear mother's case you did not describe as particularly as I wished. You said she was absent, and was visiting to improve her health. Has she been able to attend to household affairs at all since she was render [sic] helpless by that shock of I believe - the numb palsy? I have been very ignorant respecting her case, & before this should have written to have ascertained how she was, had I not been so much occupied this year that I could not find time to write letters. This being my last year at the seminary, I have felt very anxious to improve every part of it to the last advantage, consequently my exertions have been mostly confined to my school duties. I am however most happy to hear from my dear relatives & especially those, who have similar hopes & aimes with myself. It is sweet to hold intercourse with such to speak to them of those concerns in which we are equally interested. And sorry it be that in the great realities of eternity we shall ever be deeply interested.
I feel that they do exert over me that controling [sic] influence which subjects, so all absorbing, should exert. My views & feelings are too much influenced by the world. I have sometimes though, & perhaps justly, that I have been too happy here - that the world, since I have tasted its delicacies, has grown in my vision, till eternity is dimmed to my view. Here I have enjoyed health & prosperity. I have mingled in the bbest of society, have been surrounded with those that I ardently loved, have tasted the sweets of intellectual cultivation, & have had multiplied unto me the richest religious priviliges. [sic] I feel something of my responsibility, but its greatness I never can realize, & for the misimprovement of past opportunities I never can atone.
Holyoke, I have always loved, & its religious & literary advantages highly esteemed, but now as they are taking their flight, they are unspeakably precious. This year has been, perhaps I may say, the happiest of my life. The school has never had such a rare collection of young ladies. Were one to glean throughout the country the most promising & excellent of the happiest families, a better assortment could not be found. Add to this the precious, peculiar & distinguished blessing, which God as vouchsafed to us, & which has greatly elevated the character of the family & you will get some conception of the happiness of my present situation, & the feelings August will bring upon me. The senior class of every seminary must necessarily be strongly united by endearing ties, but ours is doubly so. There is not a member, but what is beloved - I think I can truly say - by all the others.
But the time of our separation is at hand, & I ought to go out, not reluctantly, to a field of benevolent labor for the intellectual & religious improvement of others. My place may be filled by those, who, from the opportunities they will enjoy, will be prepared to bless the world.
I desire to spend the remainder of my life in doing something to promote the happiness of mankind & the glory of God. Where I shall settle in life, or where I shall spend the next year, I know not, though I hope a way will be opened to some western field, where I may throw in my influence on that growing population on the side of intelligence & virtue. I thank you for your kind offer to me of a home with you, & I should love to accept, could I there find a place for active usefulness. I wish you would, if you are able, give me a description of the kind of school about you, of the number of teachers, their general qualifications, that is whether in general they have superior attainments, & what prospect you think there would be for me in that vicinity. I have thought of going out under the protection & direction of the society, in which Miss Beecher is associated, though, as yet, I have not made known my intention. I do not seek this help because I think I cannot get schools near home, for I know of situations, & as far as my pecuniary interests are concerned, very desirable ones, which I may have, but I desire to go where I can do the most good. I hardly think that Syracuse or Salina will be the place where I can exercise that self-denial & benevolence which the present state of our country, & which the cause of Christ requires of me.
Will you pray for me, that I may be led in the path, which he has marked out as best for me to enter. Then if I have trials, if I barely have a subsistence, provided Christ blessed presence is with me I shall count it all joy. The greatest difficulty in my making a decision is my selfishness. By this I fear I shall be biased, & this has led to an undertaking, which my Heavenly Father cannot bless. I should love to be in Syracuse from many considerations all of which perhaps are selfish. The first is that I might sympathize with, and enjoy the society of my afflicted friends. The second - I think I should be pleased with that part of the country. The third, & not a feeble one, I might sometimes see some of my beloved classmates. One, whom with two or three others here, I consider as my most intimate friends lives in Fulton which is only twenty or thirty miles from Syracuse. Her name you will find in the catalogue - Lucy Carrier. I should love to have you acquainted with her. She is one of the ornaments of our class. She is a beautiful scholar, an excellent writer, & a most interesting & pious young lady.
I cannot learn any thing more about the physician you spoke of. Should I learn any thing particular I will write again, & I will endeavor to find time enough to write a decent letter. This has been done so hastily, that its composition & writing, better become a girl of twelve than a member of Mt. Hol. Fem. Sem.
Will you pardon & answer soon. I feel anxious to hear from you. May you be blest in being restored to health if such is the will of your Father in Heaven, but if he designs soon to remove you hence to you brighter, happier world may you have an abundant entrance into his heavenly kingdom.
Give my love to all the dear ones. I want to know when in Connecticutt [sic], particularly remember with your mother.
Affectionately Emily Jessup